Joke of the Day

SSH2Belief

An atheist buys an ancient religious lamp at an auction, takes it home, and begins to polish it. Suddenly, a genie appears, and says, “I’ll grant you three wishes, Master.” The atheist says, “I wish I could believe in you.” The genie snaps his fingers, and suddenly the atheist believes in him. The atheist says, “Wow. I wish all atheists would believe this.” The genie snaps his fingers again, and suddenly atheists all over the world begin to believe in genies. “What about your third wish?” asks the genie. “Well,” says the atheist, “I wish for a billion dollars.” The genie snaps his fingers for a third time, but nothing happens. “What’s wrong?” asks the atheist. The genie shrugs and says, “Just because you believe in me, doesn’t necessarily mean that I really exist.”

East Milton Thinks about the Deck

Milton, MA — Wealthy residents looking for a quick way into the city or out to the islands and yachts of Boston Harbor may have gotten their wish, as international developer R.U. Brighton yesterday purchased the rights to build on the East Milton deck for a sum of $40 million, with $10 million going to directly to town coffers.

In a move that is sure to irk residents and anything but the highest-end merchants, the Dubai-based development firm has said it plans to install a private, for-profit helipad in the space.

“This is the only viable option with the correct proximity to the city,” said company spokesman Anjari DiVerdad. “Take a 4-mile piece of rope, tie it to the top of the John Hancock building, and drag the end of it in a giant circle. East Milton is the only place on that line that could work for our heli-commuters. The people of Milton are in for a very large windfall.”

According to the company’s website, R.U. Brighton has installed over 1,000 urban helipads around the world in the past six years, including eight in proximity to Manhattan.

“The price of non-jet airborne transportation has dropped dramatically since the year 2000,” said the spokesman. “Military stealth technology has recently been released onto the commercial market, reducing rotor noise and wind vortex creation by more than 50 percent each, opening the door to close-proximity takeoffs and landings.

“Furthermore, at each and every location at which we have installed one of our TruHel transport facilities, desirable top-of-the-line merchants such as Louis Vuitton, Maserati and Cartier have established retail stores. Tax receipts will be, in a word, considerable.”

Owners will be able to transport their helicopters via trailer from the highway onto Granite Avenue, and once they are at the location of the helipad, said DiVerdad, a system of ropes and pulleys will remove any remaining helicopters and lift the next one to be readied for takeoff onto the facility.

The impact of air-based travel has already been felt in town with the increased number of commercial jets flying to Logan Airport being routed over Milton. Logan spokeswoman Hollie LaFluie said she believes this should help lessen the burden on residents: “Helicopters have a much more pleasant ‘whump, whump, whump’ sound than the ‘Eeeeeeeeeyew’ noise of the jets, so this will likely have the effect of blocking out some of the airplane noise. At the very least, people will have something to distract them from us.”

APRIL FOOLS!

Imagine the East Milton Deck being used for something practical - a helipad.

Imagine the East Milton Deck being used for something practical – a helipad.